lover

its really cool to me that all I want to be doing with my time is investing in my family. Whether it be our home, or making dinner together, just the thought of sitting at home and laughing with my girls is so appealing to me. It has really been a blast lately beacuase Bean is always laughing these days. It is so weird to see her grow...

I cannot see my life any other way than how it is right now, and I cannot wait to see it change and evolve as we all grow to be a better family.

love.

this is love.

I got 99 problems...

I hate the fact that we rely on money in order to "live". Without money it is hard for us to live the way we do, and with money comes more responsibility, and essentially, more shit to have around. I am dissapointed with how we have handled out money. All the financial aid funds are depleted, savings is still there though. We are now talking about getting life insurance? 401K? HOW?! I do not understand how I am supposed to be able to handle all of this!

Then it hits me...I am no longer trusting. I am putting my faith in me, and my works. It is not my works that gets us by, it is my faith in Him that gets me by. He is the Provider of our family, not me. I must continue to work hard to honor Him, for that is my purpose. He is the Great Provider, and He will care for us, like He always has. It is funny how fast I forget that once I realize that we are low on money.

We need to make a plan. No eating out (as much), no smoking (buying smokes regularly), no $100 at Target every week. These things have to be out into place. Time to bust out the envelopes!!

Lord, help my unbelief.

Buddy

Productivity loves company.


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Family Ties

I just had a long talk with my parents, and I must say, I dropped the ball. Although I may misunderstand others reactions I notice that I am very quick to judge them. I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else. I am very thankful for a family of parents and friends who love and accept me, my wife, and my daughter.

So Father, please help me to be humble and nor judge just like I do not want to be judged. May I be more like you...
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time...

Time is a luxury that most people do not have enough of.  I know that I am one of those people.  I am always doing something, or so it seems.  I want to be sure that the things I am doing are honoring God, honoring my family, and honoring my fellow man/woman. 

I pray that this would be true of me, and you, and that our Father would be honored in that success.

please pray...

Lord, please help Haiti recover from this.  Please spread Your peace and Your love over them.  You are in control of all things, and help us, in our comfort, to life them up in prayer, and they are in thier discomfort.

Love

I cannot help but fall more in love with my wife everytime I see her. It's amazing.

May I learn how to better serve my family.



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Jealousy

Lately, I have been struggling with jealousy.  I am surrounded by amazing men and women of God who are older than I am and Iam able to go to them for advice.  I have three pastor's in my life who are passionate about loving God and loving others, and I am surrounded by friends who have amazing parents who love, encourage, and support them in all that they do.  So what am I jealous of...?  Them.

 I wish that I had those men and women of God in my life as my parents.  I wish the way that they encourage me, and I see them encourage their children was the way that I have a relationship with my parents... but it is not.  My mother has PTSD as well as other issues, and my father and step-mother just seem to be socially awkward.  My mother never leaves the house, and has not seen me perform in one venue or another in about 7 years.  My father has not seen me perform in around 9 years.  It really hit me recently when I was talking to my step mother about what my wife has been going through, and how it has been affecting our lives and her response was "Really?  That's really weird."  Really weird?  You have got to be kidding me!!  I am telling you that my wife is having MRI's and may be having seizures, and your response is that's really weird?  No ounce of compassion, no care, no concern, just nothing... 

I find it very funny how your parents, at any point in your life, can make you feel like every decision you make for your families well being is the dumbest thing they have ever heard.  Just saying...

So...This is how I have been feeling lately, and there is more, but then I think of my friends Dennis and Joey... who have lost parents, and would probably give anything to have them, and here I am complaining about mine.  This makes me feel very ungrateful, and I am being ungrateful.  Everyone has issues, including our parents.

Lastly, I have been jealous of some of the Godly men in my life.  Kevin, Tim, Justin, Jared, Dennis, etc. are all amazing dudes that I have the pleasure of calling friends and they have some huge qualities that I wish I had.  I want to focus mainly on Pastor Justin.  Watching him preach this last weekend really made me want to be like him; he is so passionate about the gospel and loving people and simplifying his life.  I love it!  But when I stop to think about how he lives and why he lives that way, it is simple: Jesus.  Why am I so fixated on being like Justin when he is fixated on Jesus!  I want to be fixated on Jesus!

Lord, help me be more like you.

I Need An Outlet...

I have been having a lot of thoughts lately, and have not had a lot of people to share them with. People are busy, I am busy, my wife is busy, and I can sometimes feel overwhelmed. A lot of people who know me, know that I can wound a little tight. For those of you who know me really well, know that "wound a little tight" can be an understatement, haha. However, lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed by grace; His grace. I am so thankful for my friends, my family, my church, and for the grace in my life. I would like to create this blog to share my thoughts on life, love, family, marriage, music, and whatever else I have an opinion on, to be honest. I look forward to, hopefully, having some followers, some feedback, and maybe even be able to affect someone.

So, with that, let me get back to work. :)

By Grace.